he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
