I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
