i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
