Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
