last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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