He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
