did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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