oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
