Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
