I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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