I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize
