i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
