It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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