my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bring me that man meat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
