if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
she peed on how many people?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
