he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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