i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
