I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
