Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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