He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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