it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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