this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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