nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
