My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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