my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
