Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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