I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
