You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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