I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
