I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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