What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
