either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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