I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
