i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
