well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
is wine microwaveable?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
