You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
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