my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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