Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
