dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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