Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
