Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
