Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
