You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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