I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
