To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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