The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
