My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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