Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
