I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
