Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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