you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
