Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
