Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
