Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
